Saturday, February 2, 2019

Got Me A 1-Way Ticket on the Crazy Train

Much to my surprise instead of being enervated by the wagon load that is my life:  work school marriage I am frighteningly energized, or at least my mind is.  In my mind I'm running an 8-minute mile, I'm gonna live forever and I'm not a day over 40.  This may be because I'm on my last physical self-improvement project, carving off the 30+ surplus pounds I've carried for years.  Diet.  Exercise.  Good-bye, Dewar's Red Label.  I feel better, much better, and am always in need of a mountain to climb anyway and this one (weight loss and fitness) is as good as any while I as slowly finish my education training.

That and a moratorium on listening to the news.  Even Trump bores the shit out of me.  The Democratic presidential field is so packed I'll pay attention to the race once it thins.  The awfulness of the world is beyond my control, and a certain amount of attention paid to it results in paralysis, not action.  I try to compensate by applying myself better to my job and to my New Haven work.

All the above a partial explanation to being on the crazy train, a ride I haven't taken for years, but it's real:  moments of clairvoyance (I kid you not) interspersed with moments of transgression.  I have to think twice before I blurt shit out.  As I write this, part of it is that the freak that I left behind in New York wants to come out and play, and I'm indulging her a bit.  May not be healthy for others but she and I are having a blast.  What's the point of hiding?  Many many posts ago I wrote that I was shoveling litter over my shit as I slowly positioned myself to be hired to work in public education.  The plan's still on but if someone doesn't want to hire me because I am coarse vulgar opinionated and can't be trusted to toe the party line, well color me lucky.  It's a door shut, door open world.

As as I have been saying about Nancy Pelosi and her showdown with Donald J. Trump, forget all that fancy-pants analysis.  She's a 76 year old woman who raised 5 children.  If she ever told one of them chillen that if they did not bend to her will, she was going to kill them, you best believe she would follow through on that threat.  (Parenting Tip No. 3,458:  Don't go nuclear unless you mean it.)  And literally, the woman has no fucks left to give.

What's so lovely about all this is that I'm hiding in plain sight.