My friend, B, who is probably reading this, told me this story. It resonated because I've had a similar experience. My takeaway was that if you haven't lived most of your life or your entire life poor, then the how and why of getting there is complex, often involving some debilitating mental or physical illness, drug or alcohol abuse, headbangingly bad decision-making, a narcissism and neediness which exponentially increases as your natural assets decrease (some money, a job, good looks or merely one's youth, a family member or friend who unconditionally loves you, etc.).
B is living in the south for now, inhabiting the home of her deceased mother. Like a banquet where none of the guests show up, the house is way, way to big for one person to live in and to manage. In a mixture of empathy and practicality she allowed a woman, I'll call her Q, to move in. In exchange for housing Q was to serve as an assistant and keep an eye on the house when B was out of town.
It worked for a while, and then it didn't when Q started stealing money from B's wallet and B caught her red-handed. Understandably, B issued an ultimatum: Get out. Q refused perhaps knowing that state law was on her side, perhaps not. My observation is that people like Q don't know the law, they know survival. And they will do anything, ignore anything, and pretend anything to hold on to whatever it is that staves off extinction. And so Q decided she was going to stay. And B, faced with the month's long legal proceeding before eviction is allowed, tried an approach akin to detoxification, i.e., talking Q into moving in with a family member. After all, Q had a brother, a sister, a child living in the same neighborhood. But Q refused that and any alternatives, and B, realizing that as dysfunctional as families can sometimes be, by the time you have alienated your siblings and offspring, you really have reached the end of the line.
So B drove Q to the local shelter, even paying the $25 administrative processing fee (god bless the State!) to get her in. And Q told the shelter that she would only need the assistance for 2-3 weeks because as far as she was concerned, B would settle down and let her back in. Which wasn't true, of course, but what she had to believe as she watched B's car leaving her behind.
B is living in the south for now, inhabiting the home of her deceased mother. Like a banquet where none of the guests show up, the house is way, way to big for one person to live in and to manage. In a mixture of empathy and practicality she allowed a woman, I'll call her Q, to move in. In exchange for housing Q was to serve as an assistant and keep an eye on the house when B was out of town.
It worked for a while, and then it didn't when Q started stealing money from B's wallet and B caught her red-handed. Understandably, B issued an ultimatum: Get out. Q refused perhaps knowing that state law was on her side, perhaps not. My observation is that people like Q don't know the law, they know survival. And they will do anything, ignore anything, and pretend anything to hold on to whatever it is that staves off extinction. And so Q decided she was going to stay. And B, faced with the month's long legal proceeding before eviction is allowed, tried an approach akin to detoxification, i.e., talking Q into moving in with a family member. After all, Q had a brother, a sister, a child living in the same neighborhood. But Q refused that and any alternatives, and B, realizing that as dysfunctional as families can sometimes be, by the time you have alienated your siblings and offspring, you really have reached the end of the line.
So B drove Q to the local shelter, even paying the $25 administrative processing fee (god bless the State!) to get her in. And Q told the shelter that she would only need the assistance for 2-3 weeks because as far as she was concerned, B would settle down and let her back in. Which wasn't true, of course, but what she had to believe as she watched B's car leaving her behind.
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